Wednesday, April 16, 2014

My Super Power

I've decided that I have a super power.  A gift, if you will.

My super power?

Picking the absolute worst line while checking out at a grocery store, or any store that may present a patron with multiple exit-upon-payment options.

This gift of mine used to be funny.  Ryan would laugh at my ability to continually choose the worst/slowest line possible.  I'm afraid to say that this tendency of mine is leaving the funny zone and been given a shove into annoying and incredibly irritating.

Let me enlighten you.

Sunday at Fred Meyer to do our weekly shopping with my shopping cart buddy who was done sitting in the seat.  I spot a family friendly line where there's only one couple, and they are checking out with several hanger plants.  Super.  I unload the masses from my cart onto the conveyer belt whilst holding my Hammy Cammy with my other arm.  I'm in a good rhythm when the belt stops full.  The coupon the woman had for her hanging planters wasn't registering and so the cashier was having to call back to the nursery.  Could the problem be solved over the phone?  Of course not.  

The customer attempted to make idle chit chat with me while we waited.  She laughed about the fact that she wasn't missing out on saving $7.50 and I did my best fake laugh while wiping the sweat from my forehead.

Eighteen minutes later it was our turn.  That's an exaggeration but with a wiggly toddler it felt like for-ev-er.

Yesterday I stopped at Safeway after work to pick up doughnuts for Ryan to take to his new 6pm-6am work shift.  I quickly selected an assortment of doughnuts, considered stuffing one in my mouth right then and there, and proceeded to the checkout.  Shocked at the number of lanes open, I chose an express lane with one couple in line and a bunch of cases of soda in their cart.  The stars seemed to align.  The cashier asked the customer if they had a Safeway Club Card and after much internal though and reflection, she declared that she did not.  He offered her one, she agreed and proceeded to fill out the damn paperwork right there on the spot.  

I'm not kidding when I say I covered my mouth with my wallet in order to keep from yelling some sort of expletives.

Last week at Target.  The lady in front of me forgot her wallet.  This was established after she emptied the entire contents of her purse out onto the counter.

Two weeks ago at Fred Meyer.  The lady in front of me was arguing over a competitor coupon and whether or not she was purchasing the exact same advertised item.  She wasn't, but the way, and insisted to speak to a manager.

Is this problem and these examples really a big deal?  Hell no.  But they happen all the frigging time.  I cannot make this stuff up.  I'm hardly ever in a true hurry, it's just the principal that this always happens that is stirring me into a dramatic frenzy.

Clearly I need a new strategy for selecting check out lanes.

Do you have this problem?  Or is this truly a magical super power that I possess?

Take Luck,

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