Twins?

Today was an interesting one.

I was walking down the stairs to leave my building, with two men walking in front of me.  I made it to the platform when one of the men turned around, made eye contact with me, looked down at my tummy, and said, "Wow, are you having twins?!"

 I would like to state that I know this guy (let's call him Dan), and am not Dan's biggest fan.  He's an arrogant chump in his mid-50's and I find him incredibly obnoxious on both a personal and professional level.  I know I'm getting bigger (hell, I should be at 38 weeks), and honestly could give two hoots about Dan and what he has to say, but Dan is a good 50 pounds overweight and really has no business criticizing or commenting on anyone else's body.

Given that I cannot seem to leave my desk without someone making a comment about my pregnancy or body, you can imagine how a comment/question like, "Wow, are you having twins?!" might push me over the edge.

I'm proud (really proud) to say that instead of shying away and awkwardly laughing off the comment, our conversation went like this:

Dan: Wow, are you having twins?!

Me: Who the hell asks a pregnant woman that question?

Dan: (blank stare) Uhhhh...

Me: No, seriously.  Not cool.

Dan: Well, I haven't seen you in a while and you've gotten a lot bigger.

Me: Yes, well, that's what happens when you are a week from your due date.

Dan: (total insincere and thinking he's hilarious) It's been 20 years since my wife was pregnant.  I'm sorry I just shouldn't say anything.

Me: Yes, exactly.

Thankfully we were walking out of the building and to our vehicles during this conversation so I didn't have to make eye contact.  Otherwise I would have totally lost my nerve, responded with something only mildly sarcastic, and spent the drive to daycare thinking about what I should have said.  Instead, I got in my car, did a little fist pump and was really proud of myself for telling 'ol Dan exactly what I thought of his comment/question.

My only regret was that I didn't respond to "Wow, are you having twins?!" with "No, are you?" and walked off like a badass.

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Take Luck,

LP