Practicing

The house is eerily quiet.  Eerie, I tell ya.

I'm home alone.  And by alone, I mean sans baby.

I'm alone because we're "practicing."  "Practicing" for when I return to work in a few (very) short weeks.

And let me tell ya - this mama needs practice.

I anticipated having a hard time going back to work and leaving Camden to be cared for by someone else.  I did not anticipate having a really hard time with it.

Our dear friends, Matt and Jessica, offered to provide care for Camden when I go back to work and we jumped at that opportunity.  I know we will take Camden to daycare someday, but there was (and still is) something comforting about having him in a more familiar (to us!) environment and to be with Jess (and their now 10-month old boy, Alex).  

So, we've been "practicing" the past two weeks by me taking Camden down to their house a couple days a week for several hours at a time.  It's "good" for all of us - for me to get used to leaving Camden, for Jess to get to know his cues and juggle taking care of two babes, for Camden to get used to being away from me and with another person, and for Alex to get used to sharing his sweet mama.

And let me tell ya - it's not getting any easier.  For me.

After having him attached to my hip (er, boob?) the last two months, you'd think I would be ready for a little break, ready for some alone or "me" time.

Nope.

I honestly don't know what to do with myself.

Yesterday during our "practice" I bopped around and ran some errands, purposefully avoiding coming home until it was time to pick him up.  This was wise.

Today I had things to do at home - checking work emails, homework, and cleaning.  And time is passing by ever so slowly.  I keep telling myself that it will be "better" when I'm back to work and my mind is occupied... And I can't just run down the road to collect him when I've had enough.

This morning, while mentally preparing for today's "practice" and watching Good Morning America's "Wedding in a Flash," we had ourselves a little chit chat.  It went something like this.

Me: You don't ever want to get married.  Right, buddy?

Camden: (Silence)

Me: Yeah, you want to stay mama's boy foreeeeeeverrrrrr, right?

Camden: (Silence)

Me: I thought so.  Good talk.

I realize I may be feeling/being a little dramatic, but this is hard - and it's going to be hard.

Seriously, could you leave this face?

Here's to hoping the 'ol "practice makes perfect" will kick in soon.

Take Luck,

LP